Funny Stories

Top 10 reasons to date a cyclist

September 12, 2014 by Lee Agur

Top 10 reasons to date a cyclist:

If the cute guy/girl who just asked you out spends his/her weekends on a bike, don’t hesitate to say yes! Here is why:

1. Two words: bicycle shorts.

2. Cyclists are good with their hands… learned from years of honing bike-maintenance skills.

3. Cyclists don’t accept defeat in any arena!

4. No lazy bums here, just toned ones.

5. Sexy Legs!

6. Cyclists are “endurance” athletes! They can go all day… or night long!

7. Cyclists are committed to accomplishing their goals.

8. Cyclists love to ride.

9. Groups are encouraged.

10. Spandex… need I say more?

What are some of your reasons to date a cyclist? Do you have any reasons to add to the list?

Magnetic Bicycle Seat Boosts Male Fertility

February 2, 2014 by Gary B

A lighthearted look at 3 completely fictional cycling headlines we’d like to see in 2014.

Doping continued to be the top cycling headline in 2013, with the fallout from Lance Armstrong still trickling through the ranks of elite cycling. The year kicked off with Armstrong sitting down with Oprah Winfrey to share a candy coated version of his career as pharmaceutical guinea pig. If all the bad news in cycling makes you want to cancel your RSS feeds, wait. Here are 3 cycling related news stories we would really like to see in 2014.

Magnetic Bicycle Seat Boosts Male Fertility

Baltimore(ATP)- Researchers at John Hopkins Medical Center have released results from a study of the potential health benefits of a new magnetic bicycle seat developed by scientists at Japan’s Superconducting Magnetic Levitation Institute. The revolutionary saddle system uses special bicycle shorts incorporating rare-earth magnets and a small wheel mounted generator to enable virtually frictionless pedaling. Anecdotal reports of increased libido and performance by male test riders led to medical researchers at the John Hopkins Sexual Performance Center to launch a study of the new technology’s potential benefits for male fertility. “The faster I rode, the harder it got, amazing!”, reported one study participant.

Center spokesperson, Harold Newsworthy read from a prepared statement, “we are pleased to announce that preliminary results found significant benefits for members of the study group in multiple measurements of fertility and performance, including sperm count, motility, vascular response, and testosterone levels”. Study participants also reported significant improvements in their 10K time trial results.

Federal Lawmakers Pass Major Tax Credit For Bicycle Commuters

(Associated Cycling News) – Federal lawmakers today passed sweeping tax reforms aimed at encouraging energy conservation and the use of environmentally friendly transportation alternatives. People that bicycle to work were the big winners. Cycle commuters will earn tax credits equal to the cost of bicycle equipment, maintenance and repair, as well as a 47 cents per kilometer mileage credit. Tax expert, Tex Vader estimates the average annual credit could be as high as $10,000.

Environmental activists and urban livability lobby groups have both applauded the move. Vision Green director, Sam Ting and Better Urban Resources Board (BURB) spokesperson Chloe Dupé both congratulated the government for it’s positive vision and proactive initiative. Funds for the credit are being generated from a new $10 a month tax on parking stalls.

Beer Rates As #1 Cycling Workout Recovery Beverage

Munich (Beer News Network) – In a groundbreaking study from Munich State University sponsored by the Bavarian Brewers Association, researchers have found that beer provided the most rapid restoration of electrolyte and blood sugar levels following intense cycling workouts. The study compared various popular exercise recovery strategies including sports drinks, energy drinks and milk thistle mixed with buttermilk and lemon juice. Beer was a clear winner for exercise recovery while the milk thistle mix did perform well on the following day’s hangover test.

Researchers described the test results as promising but added that a larger study was needed to better define the optimal fluid replacement regime. Volunteers for the expanded test are actively being sought. Interested participants will be required to relocate to the study center in Munich, Germany for the month of October.

What would you like to read about in 2014? Comment below:

Strava Art

January 17, 2014 by Lee Agur

Strava Art

Chris Phipps has created some amazing Strava Art:

People often ask if I plan these out or not. When the piece includes words I don’t plan because the letters are pretty easy to make, especially since I learned the trick of doing diagonals. However, for pictures such as the Nyan Cat and the Lagunitas IPA 6 pack, I first do a sketch on a printout map of San Francisco, mostly to make sure I don’t run into any parks or schools that block the grid.

It started on January 14, 2012. I was listening to the 49ers vs. Saints playoff game on the radio while riding laps at the polo fields. The 49ers were underdogs, but scored 2 touchdowns in the 1st quarter to go up 14-0, so I was inspired to ride out to the Richmond district and do this.

I received a lot of comments and kudos on the ride, so I did this ride before the NFC championship game vs. the NY Giants the following week.

…But they lost & didn’t make it to the Superbowl, so I didn’t do anything for that.

I didn’t do anything for a while, but during the Tour de France, I was inspired to write“SAGAN” after his stage win on July 3rd.

On the 4th of July, I tried to do a flag, but had to have the stripes go north to south due to the grid layout in the Sunset (a neighborhood in San Francisco, California).

The ride that got me the most kudos and attention was my tribute to David Millar’s win on July 13. Millar replied to my tweet and started following me on Twitter for a while.

Recently, I’m just training in the city and if someone asks me to try something such as Nyan Cat I will. Or if something else inspires me, I’ll do a ride. Last Thursday I found out it was National IPA Day, so that led to the Lagunitas ride. As for future plans, I’m having fun with this and definitely want to try some larger and more elaborate drawings, but probably not until my racing season is over with Masters Nationals in Bend next month.

Strava Art from Others:

Thanks to Strava for providing the story above

Top 10 Cyclist Pick Up Lines

January 14, 2014 by Lee Agur

Top 10 Cyclist Pick Up Lines

1. I WHEELIE like you.

2. Your pace or mine?

3. Want to get anaerobic?

4. I believe in riding with protection. (looking at a helmet)

5. Want to come over and borrow my chain whip?

6. Can I make you a recovery drink? You are going to need it.

7. Want to go for a ride?

8. I’m an endurance athlete.

9. I bet we could do some good interval training together.

10. I like your frame.

What have you got? Have you tried any of these? Have they ever worked? Leave a comment below:

Top 10 Reasons Why Biking is Better Than Sex

December 16, 2013 by Lee Agur

Top 10 Reasons Why Biking is Better Than Sex

A controversial subject is approached in a light hearted manner. Some say sex is better than than biking… others disagree… which one are you?

I personally will take either one I can get… whenever I can get it.

A bike never gets a headache.

It lasts longer.

You don’t have to buy a bike a drink or dinner to ride it.

You can ride it whenever you want.

Groups are encouraged.

No matter how slow or how fast you go your bike enjoys the ride.

If you get tired of your bike you can get a new one.

Test rides are encouraged.

You can have as many bikes as you want.

Bikes don’t insult you if you are a bad rider.

Anymore that are missing?

Top 10 Things Sex and Cycling Have in Common

November 20, 2013 by Lee Agur

Top 10 Things Sex and Cycling Have in Common

Rated 18A. If you are easily offended please do not read on… This is meant to be light hearted and funny.

1. Good legs help

2. You can do it alone but it’s more fun with your friends

3. Sometimes you skin your knees

4. Most people spend more time talking about it than actually doing it

5. Chains, velcro, lycra, rubber, leather (chamois) …

6. You have to keep pumping to get anywhere

7. You never really forget how

8. With practice you can ride for hours without getting off

9. It’s embarrassing to fall off

10. It feels good to change positions once in a while

Can you name a few things that sex and cycling have in common?

A Bee Stung My Boob! But Wait There is More!

November 14, 2013 by Nicole Kurz

You know how they say bad luck comes in threes? It’s possible that I’m the poster child for this superstition.

And all those people who say, “there’s no such thing as a bad workout” can shut it after my bike ride today.

So here’s the good part. I didn’t die. I only almost did.

There was nothing unusual about the ride today at the start. I was riding during lunch with my normal group from work. Same peeps I always ride with. One of two routes we always do.

Five minutes out I flat. It’s my front tire, so at least it’s an easy change. We have a slight mishap that results in change one exploding in all of our faces, but we get it right the second time and we’re rolling.

Other than the headwind on the way out, it’s a great ride. Hot, flat and fast, and before we know it we’re at the turn around ready to head back.

With the wind at our back we’re flying. I’m riding with two stronger cyclists so they give me some double draft love. At one point I look down and we’re going 22 mph and it feels easy. I actually felt the need to double check that someone didn’t replace my chamois with a rocket.

Nope, no rocket. Wind, legs and a great draft.

Then out of nowhere, a rogue missile launches itself down my shirt and I’m greeted with blinding pain on my right… Boob. What the… oh, not a missile. A bee!

Having never been stung before my reaction was two fold. One, holy mother of God this hurts like HELL. Two, I really really hope I’m not allergic.

After swearing like a sailor I let my cyclist friends know what had happened. Blondie dropped back behind me to make sure I didn’t suddenly pass out and fall off my bike.

Or at least, that’s what we said jokingly, having no idea of what was to come.

At this point, I just wanted to be back. This bugger hurt. We prepare to make the left turn across 4 lanes of traffic back into our office park. I’ve done this probably 50 times without incident. This time there is traffic, but we’re prepared. We cross two lanes and I prepare to stop in the median.

Now, I’ve posted before on my blog as a newer cyclist about my stopping difficulties with these fancy pedals. But my cycling has been much stronger of late. As long as I really concentrate and focus on what I’m doing, I have no issues. I’m telling ya, Tour de France is just a bunny hop away.

Ok so not quite.

And when 100% of my focus is on “holy crap dear god why did I have to get stung in the BOOB” it’s pretty clear that my focus is not on stopping.

I unclip left and promptly lean right and find myself toppling over INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC!

Thank goodness the woman in the white sedan was paying attention and managed to stop about a foot from my head. When I hopped up laughing to move out of the lane and wave her on, I realized by the panicked look on her face and how she was clutching her chest that maybe that had been a nearer death experience than I realized.

Luckily, I’m in one piece.

I’m still a calamity, and will live to terrorize bees and motorists another day.

This hilarious story was written by Nicole Kurz over at Not the Fat Kid in Gym Class Anymore. For more of her harrowing tales of fitness, cycling and near death experiences visit her blog.