Need to mow your lawn? Rather go on a bike ride? Well now you can do both. Find one halfway between your local bike shop and local lawn care store.
Bike Lane Joke
You’ve probably seen it; a car driving down the bike lane. Not cool. Some people will never learn but at least a funny joke out of it.
A Bike Zen Joke
A Zen Teacher saw five of his students return from the market, riding their bicycles. When they had dismounted, the teacher asked the students, “Why are you riding your bicycles?”
The first student replied, “The bicycle is carrying this sack of potatoes. I am glad that I do not have to carry them on my back!” The teacher praised the student, saying, “You are a smart boy. When you grow old, you will not walk hunched over, as I do.”
The second student replied, “I love to watch the trees and fields pass by as I roll down the path.” The teacher commended the student, “Your eyes are open and you see the world.”
The third student replied, “When I ride my bicycle, I am content to chant, nam myoho renge kyo.” The teacher gave praise to the third student, “Your mind will roll with the ease of a newly trued wheel.”
The fourth student answered, “Riding my bicycle, I live in harmony with all beings.” The teacher was pleased and said, “You are riding on the golden path of non-harming.”
The fifth student replied, “I ride my bicycle to ride my bicycle.” The teacher went and sat at the feet of the fifth student, and said, “I am your disciple.”
Courtesy of Piaw Na, Internet-BOB, and the proposed BikeZen email list.
Cycling Joke
A tired cyclist stuck his thumb out for a lift: After 3 hours, hadn’t got anyone to stop. Finally, a guy in a sports car pulled over and offered him a ride. But the bike wouldn’t fit in the car. The driver got some rope out of the trunk and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the rider: “If I go too fast, ring your bell and I’ll slow down.”
Everything went well until another sports car blew past them. The driver forgot all about the cyclist and put his foot down. A short distance down the road, they hammered through a speed trap.
The cop with the radar gun and radioed ahead that he had 2 sports cars heading his way at over 120 mph. He then relayed, “and you’re not going to believe this, but there’s a cyclist behind them ringing his bell to pass!”.
Cycling Explained to a Non Cyclist
Cycling Explained to a Non Cyclist
Rated more than 18A… watch out for vulgar language in this hilarious video where cycling is being explained to a non cyclist. Sometimes a little humour can put it in real perspective as to what us cyclists actually do.
Ok vulgar… but still funny right? Vote below with a like or a share.
The Ten Commandments for Cycling
The Ten Commandments for Cycling
1. Thou shalt have no other God than Eddy Merckx.
2. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s bicycle, nor cast thy covetous eyes upon Full Carbon gadgets that thou cannot afford.
3. Thou shalt not lurk behind thy brother’s wheel for many miles and then hammer past without thanks.
4. Thou shalt not inflict upon thy bikeless brethren thy unending monologue concerning thy Training and thy step by step thoughts and feelings of thy last race.
5. Thou shalt become aware that the Pleasures that thou findeth in Cycling are not in direct proportion to the amount of cash thou parteth with, nor shalt thou giveth a large tythe of thy monthly salary to thy Local Bike Shop
6. Behold it is written that thou shalt not spend every living moment planning thy next ride lest thy spouse fileth for Divorce, thereby taketh you to the cleaners and forceth the sale of thy Bicycle.
7. Thou shalt return in kind the actions and services rendered unto you by thy Car Driving Brethren, not forgetting the Appropriate Hand Gestures and Helpful Directives as to where thou shouldst ride.
8. Thou shalt wash thy water bottles before thou noticeth vile fungi forming in the bottom, for this thing is an abomination to thy Spouse.
9. Thou shalt not use the Towel of thy Spouse to wipe down thy chain, for this also is also an abomination to her and delighteth her Lawyers.
10. Thou shalt not lie to thy elders in the peloton about thy speeds, lest thou looketh rather ridiculous next time you ride with them.
By: Vorb
This is cycling law and if any of the commandments are broken it is a sin punishable by a flat tire, bonking and in extreme cases bad race days.
Do you agree with the ten commandments for cycling? How often do you sin?
A True Cyclists Mind – Joke
A True Cyclists Mind – Joke
A cyclist shows up for a group ride on a new carbon speed machine.
“Hey, where did you get the new ride?”, asks one of the group.
“Well,” he says, “I was out on a ride when this really hot chick rode up alongside. We got to talking and one thing led to another and we stopped at a park. She suddenly stripped all of her clothes off and said, ‘take what you want’, so I took the bike.”
“Good thing too,” said the friend, “the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
Top 10 Reasons Why Biking is Better Than Sex
Top 10 Reasons Why Biking is Better Than Sex
A controversial subject is approached in a light hearted manner. Some say sex is better than than biking… others disagree… which one are you?
I personally will take either one I can get… whenever I can get it.
A bike never gets a headache.
It lasts longer.
You don’t have to buy a bike a drink or dinner to ride it.
You can ride it whenever you want.
Groups are encouraged.
No matter how slow or how fast you go your bike enjoys the ride.
If you get tired of your bike you can get a new one.
Test rides are encouraged.
You can have as many bikes as you want.
Bikes don’t insult you if you are a bad rider.
Anymore that are missing?
What Cyclists Say and What They Mean
Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers and secret trainers around. They’ll say anything to soften you up for the kill. Don’t let this happen to you. Study this handy rider’s phrasebook to find out what they really mean when they say:
I think my tire pressure is low.”
Translation: Slow down, will ya?
“I definitely have a flat tire.”
Help me change it
“This trail is a blast!”
I hope you have good medical insurance
“I’m on my beater bike”
I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using Carbon Fiber blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.
“This is a no-drop ride”
I’ll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.
“That wasn’t that bad…”
Oh…my…god… I’m…having…a…heart…attack…
“Wow, that was at least 10 feet high”
5 feet max. probably closer to 4
“I don’t have a low enough gear.”
I’ve gained 5 pounds
“I’ve decided to buy a lighter bike.”
I’ve gained 10 pounds
“That climb wasn’t that bad!”
I’m going to puke
“I’m carbo loading.”
Pass the beer
“I’m tapering.”
I haven’t ridden in 2 months
“If you’re a good bike handler, you don’t need to wear a helmet.”
I’m so stupid and a brain injury wouldn’t affect me
“She hammers!”
She’s faster than me
“I bonked.”
I went too hard and all I had to eat was a twinkie
“If you don’t crash, you’re not going fast enough, dude!”
I crash a lot
“I don’t own a car.”
I’m a better person than you
“I do all my own bike maintenance.”
When I squeeze the front brake lever, the bike shifts gears
“Thanks for waiting.”
Wipe that smug grin off your ugly face
“Been riding much?”
How fit are you?
“Not much. You?”
My anaerobic threshold is 250 and my resting pulse is 14
“Well, let’s take it easy today.”
Ready, set, go!
“Hold on, there’s something wrong with my bike.”
Let’s stop so I can rest
“My tires suck!”
This climb is killing me!
“It’s getting dark.”
I wanna go home
“This bike is a piece of ****!”
I can’t ride worth ****
“This hill is easy.”
This trail’s pretty tough but I’m gonna try and lose you on it
“My bike was acting funny.”
Otherwise I would have whooped your butt!
“He’s pretty good.”
I know I’m better than him
“He spends a lot of time biking!”
I wish I was as good as him
“That thing’s a piece of ****.”
I wish I had one…
“It’s not that far”
Bring your passport.
Info from forums.bicycling.com