Magnetic Bicycle Seat Boosts Male Fertility

February 2, 2014 by Gary B

A lighthearted look at 3 completely fictional cycling headlines we’d like to see in 2014.

Doping continued to be the top cycling headline in 2013, with the fallout from Lance Armstrong still trickling through the ranks of elite cycling. The year kicked off with Armstrong sitting down with Oprah Winfrey to share a candy coated version of his career as pharmaceutical guinea pig. If all the bad news in cycling makes you want to cancel your RSS feeds, wait. Here are 3 cycling related news stories we would really like to see in 2014.

Magnetic Bicycle Seat Boosts Male Fertility

Baltimore(ATP)- Researchers at John Hopkins Medical Center have released results from a study of the potential health benefits of a new magnetic bicycle seat developed by scientists at Japan’s Superconducting Magnetic Levitation Institute. The revolutionary saddle system uses special bicycle shorts incorporating rare-earth magnets and a small wheel mounted generator to enable virtually frictionless pedaling. Anecdotal reports of increased libido and performance by male test riders led to medical researchers at the John Hopkins Sexual Performance Center to launch a study of the new technology’s potential benefits for male fertility. “The faster I rode, the harder it got, amazing!”, reported one study participant.

Center spokesperson, Harold Newsworthy read from a prepared statement, “we are pleased to announce that preliminary results found significant benefits for members of the study group in multiple measurements of fertility and performance, including sperm count, motility, vascular response, and testosterone levels”. Study participants also reported significant improvements in their 10K time trial results.

Federal Lawmakers Pass Major Tax Credit For Bicycle Commuters

(Associated Cycling News) – Federal lawmakers today passed sweeping tax reforms aimed at encouraging energy conservation and the use of environmentally friendly transportation alternatives. People that bicycle to work were the big winners. Cycle commuters will earn tax credits equal to the cost of bicycle equipment, maintenance and repair, as well as a 47 cents per kilometer mileage credit. Tax expert, Tex Vader estimates the average annual credit could be as high as $10,000.

Environmental activists and urban livability lobby groups have both applauded the move. Vision Green director, Sam Ting and Better Urban Resources Board (BURB) spokesperson Chloe Dupé both congratulated the government for it’s positive vision and proactive initiative. Funds for the credit are being generated from a new $10 a month tax on parking stalls.

Beer Rates As #1 Cycling Workout Recovery Beverage

Munich (Beer News Network) – In a groundbreaking study from Munich State University sponsored by the Bavarian Brewers Association, researchers have found that beer provided the most rapid restoration of electrolyte and blood sugar levels following intense cycling workouts. The study compared various popular exercise recovery strategies including sports drinks, energy drinks and milk thistle mixed with buttermilk and lemon juice. Beer was a clear winner for exercise recovery while the milk thistle mix did perform well on the following day’s hangover test.

Researchers described the test results as promising but added that a larger study was needed to better define the optimal fluid replacement regime. Volunteers for the expanded test are actively being sought. Interested participants will be required to relocate to the study center in Munich, Germany for the month of October.

What would you like to read about in 2014? Comment below:

You Know You Are Addicted To Cycling If…

December 29, 2013 by Lee Agur

You Know You Are Addicted To Cycling If…

You hear someone had a crash and your first question is “How’s the bike?”

Your wife tells you the only way she’ll let you ride across the country is over her dead body and you tell her, “If that’s the case, you’ll be my first speed bump!”

You have stopped even trying to explain to your other half why you need more than one bike…you just go buy another one and figure it will all work out in the divorce settlement.

You see nothing wrong with discussing the connection between hydration and urine color.

You find your Shimano touring shoes to be more comfortable and stylish than your new trainers.

You have more money invested in your bike clothes than in the rest of your combined wardrobe.

“Four cheeseburgers and four large French Fries” is for you.

You see a fit, tanned, Lycra-clad young thing ride by, and the first thing you check out is his or her bicycle.

You use wax on your chain, AND on your legs (boys).

Your first course when you eat out is a large banana split.

Your bike has more miles on its computer then your car’s odometer.

You wear your bike shorts swimming.

Your bikes are worth more than your car.

You buy a people-carrier and immediately remove the rear seats to allow your bike(s) to fit.

When you move to a new area the first thing you look for is a bike shop.

You have more bike jerseys than low-cut tops.

You take your bike along when you shop for a car – just to make sure the bike will fit inside.

You view crashes as an opportunity to upgrade components.

You clean your bike(s) more often then your house.

You put your bike in your car and the value of the total package increases by a factor of 3 (or better).

You regard inter-gender discussion of your genital pain/size/shape/utility as normal.

Your New Years resolution is to put more miles on your bike than your car, and you do it.

You can tell your other half, with a straight face that it’s too hot to mow the lawn and then bike off for a century.

Your kids bring a rear derailleur to “Show & Tell”.

Your car sits outside your garage because your garage is full of bikes and cycling gear.

A measurement of 44-36-40 doesn’t refer to the latest Playboy centrefold, but that new gear ratio you were considering.

You wear your heart monitor to bed to make sure you stay within your target zone during any extracurricular activities.

There is no time like the present, for postponing what you ought to be doing, and go bicycling instead…

You no longer require a hankie to blow your nose.

You smile at your evening date, and she politely points out that you seem to have bugs in your teeth.

You can’t seem to get to work by 8:30 AM, even for important meetings, but you don’t have any problems at all meeting your mates at 6:30 AM for a hundred-miler.

Your surgeon tells you you need a heart valve replacement and you ask if you have a choice between Presta and Schrader.

You’re too tired for hanky-panky on a Friday night but pump out a five-hour century on Saturday.