If you’ve ever been to a bike shop you’re sure to have encountered an employee that seems to think you are the dumbest person on the planet. I don’t really know why but before I taught myself the art of sweet talking the elitist bike snob I would walk out of a shop muttering “What a jerk.”
The silly part is, I used to work in a shop, I know the pet peeves of shop employees. Sometimes you can’t help it, everybody has a bad day here and there, and it takes a special kind of person to keep their cool while working in customer service every day, but some of these guys seem to have bad days way too often. Either way, to enhance your bike shop experience you need to learn to sweet talk the employees.
#1: Stupid Is As Stupid Does.
Either play dumb and keep your speculation to yourself or do you homework. Nothing seems to set off a hail storm of condescension than incorrectly calling a “wheel” a “tire” or mistakenly referring to the “cassette” as “cogs” or “the sprocket”.
#2: No discount for you!
Don’t ask for a discount. Even if you fancy yourself a bit of a racer. Everyone asks for a discount. Sure bikes and bike parts are marked up nearly 100% from wholesale but even with that mark up most shops barely make any money. Asking for a discount is a sure fire way to get a shitty tune.
#3: The eBay Trap!
Never bring in a part you bought from ebay. In fact it’s better to not even mention eBay within 100 feet of a bike shop. Trust me when I say this is a can of worms you don’t want to open. It would be like bringing up politics with your grandfather at Thanksgiving. Oh, and if someone at the shop brings up eBay, ignore it because it’s a trap!
#4: Be A “Norm”.
If your shop puts on a bike tuning class or other educational events, go to them. You don’t have to go to all of them but if you get to know the owners and employees you’ll be surprised at how your relationship will change with them. You may even get a discount on labor or parts. But remember, don’t ask for it, if they offer, just say thank you. Then load up your cart with a ton of crap you may need someday because lord knows you might never get a chance like this again.
#5: The Caffeine Catalyst.
When it’s crazy busy in a shop don’t get frustrated or impatient. Either wait your turn or leave and come back later.
Option A) If you wait, when it’s your turn make a joke about how busy it is and how well they are handling it. NEVER, I repeat, NEVER, under any circumstances say something about the shop being short staffed or that they need to hire some more help. You might as well kiss your Schwinn goodbye.
Option B) Likewise, if you leave then come back later the same day you can ask the employees if you can run and grab them coffee or a sandwich. Chances are they haven’t eaten anything with the rush, just be prepared to deliver if you ask, shop employees are not modest, they will whip out a $10 bill and take you up on your offer before you know it.
#6: Buy Something Or Drool By Yourself
If you are looking at bikes but you are not really ready to pull the trigger and buy don’t take up too much of an employees time asking silly questions. You know the difference between the shifters on this bike or the brakes on that bike. General questions are ok as long as they are prefaced with “I’m really just looking but I plan to get a bike in the next few…(days, weeks, months or whatever).”
It may seem quiet in the shop but more likely than not, out back, there are 30 bikes needing tune ups and 15 new bikes needing to be built. One never stops working in a shop, so buy something or quietly look and drool by yourself.
Finally, if some sickly looking, shaved legged guy comes in to the shop and the employees start being all nice to him and joking about something in bike lingo that you can’t really follow, don’t get jealous. They like him more than you because he has put in the time sweet talking the shop employees and with a little work you can be a skinny, shaved leg shop rat too.